Sunday, December 30, 2007

Some pledges for 2008

Things I plan to try and stop letting annoy me in 2008, in no particular order:


People who claim their clean houses are dirty when you go visit them
People who talk about diets while you’re eating a meal
People who give parenting advice who have no children, especially unsolicited advice
People who address letters to me as Mr. John M. Williams III
People who jailhouse lawyer everything
People who ask you to take off your shoes when you go into their house
People who have uncouth cellphone ringtones
People who assume Southerners are uneducated
People who sit in unrighteous judgment, blinded by the beams in their own eyes
People who makes disparaging jokes about the South
TV shows, books, movies, and magazine and newspaper articles that pander to Northern
stereotypes about the Southeastern United States.
The cultural imperialism of New York City on the rest of the country and/or world
Robotic postal workers who don’t listen to what you say because they love repetition
People who say “Thanks so much” when a simple “Thank you” would be more than
adequate
People over age 12 who say things are “Yummy.”
People who roll their eyes at Science and/or Fantasy fiction
People who view PhDs as easy-to-earn
People send emails without proper greetings (e.g. Dear Mac,)
People who think that if you disagree with them politically, you’re an idiot
Mormons who think you can’t be a good Mormon and not be a Republican
Mormons who vote for Mitt Romney just because he’s Mormon
People who write online petitions about Sister Beck’s Conference Talk
People who talk about how much they love family and then act like total harridans when
they’re around family
People who call me “Big Mac” after having been told that it’s a family name
People who call anyone who speaks Spanish, “Spanish”
People who call use the term “Dirty Mexican”
People who make fun of McDonald’s employees
People who never worked for tips that bitch about service when its not the server’s fault
Mormons who homeschool their kids
Media who never ask a Mormon what Mormons believe
Barry Bonds
Scott Boras
The Major League Baseball Players Association
The Los Angeles Dodgers (a pipedream)
Don Imus
Howard Stern
Hugo Chavez
Vladimir Putin
Hillary Clinton
Barak Obama
Mitt Romney
John Edwards
Al Gore (not gonna happen, but I’ve got to try)
What CNN has become
Poorly written and/or edited news articles
Articles about some amazing thing that don’t include a photograph
Ray Nagin
Mary Landrieu
Hugh Jackman
Jimmy Kimmel’s comment about Ashley Tisdale and his son at some awards show
That Scrubs is going off the air
When my DVR fails to record The Soup
That the networks won’t give the writers a taste of online revenues
That my reflection is much larger than I feel
People who remind me that I need to lose weight (A lot of good it did my Dad)
People who say “do it for your kids”
People who don’t heed my sage advice
People who claim that violent acts are the will of God
People who get upset that I believe in God
People who can't tolerate others criticizing their religion
People who react with violence when someone criticizes their religion
People who claim that calling a teddy bear Mohammed is blasphemy (as if you could blaspheme a man!)
People who hide behind religion and culture to defend barbaric acts
People who claim they couldn't have done something terrible because they are a Christian
People who call Christians who sin hypocrits
The Governor of Alaska
The Alaskan Congress
President George W. Bush's vetoes (plural) of Bills that would've given my children lowcost healthcare options
The business planners at eBay
eBay's CEO
What eBay has become
What Time Magazine has become
What the American Scholar journal has become
That Chrysler is discontinuing the Dodge Magnum
That my father paid the Social Security and Medicare maximums his whole life (self-employed) and that neither institution will cover a penny of his $200k medical bills
List of other people's complaints

13 comments:

JC said...

Is it the "Mr." or the lack of Mac?

Cindy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cindy said...

I think it's the lack of Doctor, right?

Mac said...

I'm vain, it's Mr. that bugs.

shawnse said...

Hi Mac,

My very best to you and your family. I'm sorry that I haven't touched base more recently.

Question: This is a pretty long list of things that annoy you ... did you think up all of these in one sitting? Did you notice that this list seems to contain more things than your list of favorites?


Best,
Shawn

JC said...

Vain indeed! I knew that's what you meant but just wanted to yank your chain a bit. You think just 'cause you went to school for 12 years you should be called Dr.? I will give you credit that you had to read lots of stuff written in Spanish. I'm Mexican, and I can't stand Spanish literature. I feel your pain. I'll refrain from using Mr. However, I reserve Dr. for those in the medical profession. That's just me. Nothing against PhDs. I think it's impressive to earn a PhD (I'm still needing 1 class for my BS).

Are you still sporting the beard?

Paul Dunn said...

Mac,

Your level of stress can only be heightened by these annoyances. If they really bother you, ignore and avoid them as much as possible.

BTW, our house really is dirty.

swampbaby said...

Holy crap!

I'm going to vote for Hillary because she's a woman and I'm a woman....

jk

Mac said...

To respond:

Shawn,

It's natural that the list would be longer because it's a list of all the things I'm going to work on not letting annoy me this year. I sat down and looked at some of my character flaws and decided that I could try and work on some of these this year. This is a serious list (for the most part).

JC,

The beard is in effect.

Paul,

Per your advice to ignore these things, that what the list is for. If I'm commanded to be like Jesus, then in order to be like him, little things like those on this list shouldn't annoy me.

Tara,

I fear there are several hundred thousand who plan such estrogenical tomfoolery.

chattypatra said...

You say that single people who do not have children cannot give advice to you on how to be a parent. If we follow the same logic, then your students cannot give you advice on how to be a better teacher because they are not college professors themselves.

I may not have the incredible blessing of being a wife and mother, but I was born to a man and a woman who loved and respected each other their whole lives. Since I am observant and intelligent, their example taught me what it takes to be an amazing parent.

Although I may not know what it feels like to bear and be responsible for another human being's life and therefore cannot say "I know what you are going through" or "I know how that feels", I am a great daughter and a grateful one. I think I can voice a valid opinion on how to be a better parent because mine did a pretty darn great job.

I have faith in our Lord and hope that one day, when he sees fit, he will allow me the blessing of actually experiencing a higher covenant, and learning much more.

Duele mucho saber que para quién sabe cuantos miembros que comparten tu opinión, la mía no vale nada porque el ser soltera y casta significa que soy menos.

Si el Señor compartiera ese punto de vista, entonces ninguna persona soltera sería llamada a trabajar en la Primaria o con los jóvenes.

Tus comentarios me han hecho sentir triste y, francamente, son humillantes, aunque no creo que esa haya sido tu intención.

Claro está, esa es tu opinión, y tienes todo el derecho del mundo la misma.

Te deseo paz y prosperidad en el año nuevo, hermano. Gracias por haberme permitido comentar en tu página por tanto tiempo. Eres un ser humano muy especial.

Mac said...

chattypatra,

Pues, tranquila mujer. Mi comentario fue para aquellas personas que dan sugerencias equivocadas o que dicen "cuando tenga hijos propios, no seran asi."

Por supuesto gente pueden ofrecer consejos, pero es completamente diferente cuando uno no tiene que quedarse todos los dias con el hijo malportado.

Espero que vuelvas a leer el blog. Me parece que estas desamparada y de mal humor y lo que escribi te cayo mal. Seriously.

chattypatra said...

Perdona, Mac. Es que en realidad el año pasado fue tan duro que estaba loca porque se fuera. Lo último que pasó es que mi lavadora se rompió e inundó mi cocina y parte de mi apartamento el jueves.

Como resultado, tuvieron que quitar parte de la alfombra y prender un abanicote que no solo hacía un ruido que servía para torturar terroristas, sino que me enfermó.

El domingo me tocaba cantar en la sacramental y dar la clase en la SS. No pude cantar, y había compuesto una canción de Navidad. Estaba muy triste.

Espero que me perdones. Sabes que no voy a dejar de leer tu blog.

Gracias por comprender.

Thewmes said...

Mr. John M. Williams III

Do you know what you forgot? T.O. everybody hates him.

And I hear you about the parenting thing. It goes the same for if you have never been on a mission don't tell me about how hard/benificial they are. If you haven't been to war don't talk about proper behavior of soldiers. If you haven't been in a demanding program at school don't tell me about how good you would be or how you understand if things are tuff. If you haven't given birth then don't talk about how hard it is.

Basically this rule could apply to any number situations.