Sunday, July 29, 2007

Lobster Boy & Me

At the 1997 (maybe it was 96) Music Midtown Festival in Atlanta, Paul Dunn thought it was awesome to walk me around and flash a copy of Silverchair's album Freakshow at people and then ask them if the kid on the cover looked like me.

For those who know me, I present the cover in question:

It sort of resembles me.....probably more than I care to acknowledge. The image is of one Grady Stiles, aka, Lobster Boy:

Mr. Stiles wasn't a very nice person. His family eventually murdered him.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Fruit Poke

So last weekend we were up in Cedar City, Utah for a Fonnesbeck Family Reunion. Mickelle's Uncle Mel & Aunt Linda had very graciously paid for us to stay two nights in the Super 8 Motel so that we wouldn't have to drive up from St. George both days. Mickelle was getting ready in the bathroom, Jack was on the floor at her feet, and I had to urinate. Now, in spite of my bashful bladder syndrome affected peeing ability, I can usually go if only Mickelle is watching, so I started urinating in the toilet while having a conversation with her.

She was doing one of those facial contortions that apparently allow better coating of mascara, when all of a sudden I felt a very distinct poking of the back of my testicles. I looked back to find Jack standing up with a finger extended and smiling up at me.

That's an experience I'll never forget.....hopefully he will.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007


Utah has the habit of ending lots of things in double z's, since the Jazz holds such power over their imaginations.

I'm in Utah today. I went up to Pine Valley and caught some trout in the reservoir with my brother-in-law Dallas Lamoureaux. It's Pioneer Day here. A day that celebrates the arrival of Brigham Young and the first party of Mormon pioneers to the Salt Lake Valley on July 24, 1847.

One of my ancestors has his name on the statue commemorating today's holiday. I am a descendant of Mormon pioneers, yet I am a convert to the church.

I don't feel very much like a pioneer. I have no idea where this post is going, or where it was supposed to go.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

More Than Meets the Eye

So Mickelle and I went and saw the Transformers movie last night. I was very entertained. It did bog down at one point, some of the bot-on-bot action was a little hard to follow, there was no Deceptigon characterization, and there were some obvious places where there were deleted scenes. But, otherwise, it was great.

The Autobots looked amazing. Shia Lebouef did an excellent job acting. The girl interest was as smokin' hot as a young starlet can be these days (the scene where he bites his knuckles behind the hood while the camera lingers on her midriff is priceless). I liked the premise of the movie. It had heart. It wasn't necessarily kid-appropriate, but it wasn't really meant for the same kids that buy the toys. It was just a good popcorn movie that didn't need
"theatrics" to pull off what it wanted to do.

Other observations:

1. There was too much vulgar swearing in Spanish. Puto, joder, culo, were all heard. The MPAA needs to learn to hablar español.

2. The little Scorpion bad guy got his tail shot off, dug down into the sand, and we never saw him again. Is this a loophole for a sequel? Or a gaff?

3. It too had the infamous Michael Bay negotiation moment. You know, just like in ConAir, the Rock, and Armageddon, this movie too had the good guy having to tell the authorities what exactly they wanted in return.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Of Contests and Martyrs

I am at the beach right now on St. George Island, Florida, just off Apalachicola. We are staying in one of these amazing $4k a week beach houses that my grandpa is paying for with the money he got from selling his swamp. The house sleeps 15. It has a private baordwalk down to a private beach. It is perfect.

Yet, I am not having the best time that I could......I know why, but I'm not sure I can effectively articulate just why without offending someone. Allow me to attempt to explain.

We're actually renting two houses. My house contains my grandparents, my Aunt Connie and Uncle Tommy, My family, my cousin Jenny and her 6 kids + her oldest daughter's friends, my cousins Carrie's 3 boys. It's crowded, to say the least.

My family are almost all Mormons. Mormons, in general, are fairly conservative politically. Being Southern Mormons, my family are especially conservative, with just enough racially and misogynistically tinged comments to make many of them inappropriate.

Last night, we started a conversation about health care, and it evolved into a rant against Hispanic abuse of the health care system, and then into why English should be the official language. I tried to explain to my relatives that no matter what they might think, within three generations all the great grand-children of this current wave of Hispanic immigrants will not speak Spanish. I possess a B.A., an M.A., and a PhD in Spanish. I have taught university level Spanish for 8 years. I am as close to an expert on the subject as anyone in my family has come into contact with, and no one even considered what I was saying. I tried to point out to them that in the late 1800s, reaction against immigrants carried the same rhetoric as it does today.

Some great quotes about immigrants (taken from this webpage:

1) "Why should the Palatine Boors be suffered to swarm into our Settlements, and by herding together establish their Language and Manners to the exclusion of ours? Why should Pennsylvania, founded by the English, become a Colony of Aliens, who will shortly be so numerous as to Germanize us instead of our Anglifying them, and will never adopt our Language or Customs, any more than they can acquire our Complexion?" (The papers of Benjamin Franklin. Ed. Leonard W. Labaree. New Haven: Yale Univ. Press, 1959. vol 4:234).

2) "English should and must be the only medium of instruction in public, private, denominational and other similar schools. Conversation in public places, on trains, and over the telephone should be in the English language. Let those who cannot speak or understand the English language conduct their religious worship in their home." Governor Harding of Iowa (New York Times, 18 June 1918, p. 12).

3) In Meyer v. Nebraska, the court ruled that "the protection of the Constitution extends to all,--to those who speak other languages as well as to those born with English on the tongue." (262 U.S. 390).

We could go and delve deep into the newspaper archives and find letters to the editors of various papers decrying the "damned" this or that group of immigrants during different decades of the previous two centuries.

Yet, regardless of what I say to my relatives, the won't listen to me. You can show them the proof of this phenomenon across hundreds of years, and they will still only think of the present. I guess it's like the Bible says, a prophet is never respected in his home.

Another reason why I'm not enjoying myself is that my family turns everything into a contest. Marley threw a hellaciously bad temper tantrum today. I tried to take care of it as privately as possible. When I came back upstairs to make lunch, the asked me about it. I explained that she throws tantrums sometimes, to which my Aunt, my dad's twin if ever there were one, says, "you think you know about tantrums, I raised Jared (my cousin)." I responded, "It's not a contest" though I don't know if she heard me. Everything in my family involves comparing oneself to everything else, and no matter what, you've done it better, for twice as long, at half the price. It gets really fucking old after awhile. It's not a competition.

Saturday, July 07, 2007


So, we needed some window treatments, for privacy and security, on two windows in Marley's room, the carport door, and the back door. I called Mickelle from Lowe's when it occurred to me that we could get some blinds fairly cheaply instead of the pullshades we had considered. I asked her to go measure the windows for me. In all four instances, she incorrectly measured the windows, trending towards too narrow of a measurement.

As I was installing the 3rd of four blinds, I said to her, "You're not a very good measurer."

She responded, immediately, "You'd better be glad I'm not a good measurer."
I find that kind of sassiness supremely sexy. It's true though; I'm glad she can't measure well., that kinda hits where it hurts.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

^%&*#%$ %@*&!

We just realized that we left all of the kids' DVDs in the car, and they took those too. We lost all Marley's Disney DVDs. She is just crushed and in tears. That's like $1,000 in movies, and because they're Disney movies, you can't just go and buy them at the store. Most of them are on hiatus.

The thief is making my daughter shed innocent tears. He stole Christmas and Birthday presents from a little child.

My heart is filled with anger, at a total stranger. I don't even know with whom to be angry.

Welcome to Hartsville!

So, since we are going to Florida on Friday, and since the old portable DVD player doesn't seem to be working all that well anymore, last night Mickelle and I bought a dual screen one that was on sale at Target for $129.99. We installed it in the Target parking lot, and the drive home from Florence was much better since both kids could watch Bear and the Big Blue House without fighting over who gets to hold the screen.

This morning Mickelle got into the car to go register Marley for school and noticed that a door and the back gate to the car were ajar. We left our car unlocked. We lived in New Orleans for five yars and never were victims of crime. We assumed that small town Hartsville, South Carolina, in a nice neighborhood, things would be different. We were wrong. Someone opened our car and stole the brand new DVD player, stupidly leaving our radar detector and the old DVD player behind. We didn't even own it for 24 hours. To quote Eric Cartman, "I.....AM....SO.....PISSED.....OFF........RIGHT.....NIIIIIIIOOOOOOOWWWW!

Welcome to Hartsville!