Nothing like the taste of malice in the morning. I woke up and within 2 seconds I thought about last night's confrontation and how I would replay that scene had I to do it over. These are the coping mechanisms of the injury to my pride. See pride is what gets us in trouble every time. Personal pride is evil in its purest form. It puts the I above all else and is the epitome of egotism. All sins stem from pride. Pride cometh before the fall....
I have pretty much always done the things I was supposed to do. Unlike almost all members of my nuclear and extended family, I got good grades, didn't do drugs, didn't have sex outside of marriage, went on a mission because I wanted to, graduated from college, got married in the temple, etc. I generally do what's right. My sister, my parents, my cousins all got to raise hell and then they usually repented and all was forgiven.
At church I have the opportunity to serve in the bishopric and as such I am privy to all of the happenings and drama amongst the members of my congregation, which can be an onerous burden. My family never gets mentioned among all the drama. We are a millpond.
Sometimes I think the prodigal son had the better end of the deal. If you can do whatever the hell you want and then say you're sorry, why be good? If the Lord forgives all, what's the difference between virtue and repented virtue? I know there's a flaw in my thinking somewhere, but I am tired of me having to suffer the stress and headache of other people's poor choices. The man last night made poor choices that led him to want to accost me. I live my life in such a way that I do not make others suffer by my selfishness. But, the pride that makes me write this entry is the same narcissicism that makes him pick up the bottle or someone else do things even worse. Save murder and adultery isn't all sin the same?
Sometimes it just seems too hard to always be good. I am usually good andyet others can harm me because of their own selfishness....it aint fair. We are commanded to be like Jesus, an impossible task. He had to be half divine to accomplish it. It isn't hard to be good when others are good, but when someone wrongs me, I loathe choosing the right. I almost always do, but damnit if I don't struggle with being Christlike. It ain't easy, but I do it--eventually--because I know it's right. I am not perfect, but I don't bring the drama into other people's lives (outside of mine and Mickelle's). My mistakes are my own.