Monday, March 06, 2006

My Oscars Review

Okay, so the Oscars have come and gone again and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I wanted to end this post right back there at the snoring comment, but I can't. I simply must comment about the movies I have seen this year.

2005 was pretty bad. I saw the following movies (that I can recollect):
Crash = A wannabe Magnolia without the good acting or Biblical underpinnings. This movie had too many "coincidences" that turned out to be main plot points. A couple of 10th grade drama students could write more believable and plausible stuff than this. In trying to point out why people are racist they failed, horribly, to point out that the problems reside not in biological differences but in cultural problems. White people are different in Sydney, Salt Lake City, Vladivostok, and Bermuda; black people are different in Atlanta, Johannesburg, Sao Paolo, and London; Hispanic people are different in Los Angeles, Buenos Aires, Tegucigalpa and Madrid. Racism, per se, is more about culture than race. I found Crash to be boring, implausible, narcissistic, and did I say implausible? Also, the scene with Ludacris complaining about Sandra Bullock "getting colder" when she saw him because she feared he would rob her, and then he subsequently robbing her does nothing to improve the image of the young black man in Hollywood. Stuff like Crash does not happen in real life. Crash winning for Best Picture doesn't happen in real life. My students all loved Crash so maybe it's a generational thing.

Capote= My vote for best picture. It was a murder mystery with great acting and storytelling.

The New World, =See my previous post about this movie. It should've won for best cinematography
Munich = a damned good movie without a snowball's chance in hell of winning anything. It indicted the Jews for using violence to respond to violence.
Hitch = Sucked, but Eva Mendes was hot.
Be Cool = I liked it because I liked Get Shorty. Vince Vaughn was funny.
Millions = Dumb, weird, made fun of Mormons and not in a funny parody way. Booo, hiss.
Robots = As a parent you have to see movies for kids with your kids. These movies will simply get the "Marley" comment from here on.
King Kong = I liked it. Naomi Watts is the only flat-chested truly hot woman on the planet. The movie was like a roller-coaster ride. Good.
Sin City = Pure genius, but I wish I hadn't seen it. It made me feel dark inside. I had the same feeling after seeing Pulp Fiction. I also cannot get the Jessica Alba dancing scene out of my head now. I do not recommend this movie, I wish I hadn't seen it, but it is an amazing movie.
Sahara = Guilty pleasure. A good matinee at the bijou movie.
Kingdom of Heaven = Could have been great. Needed to be two movies instead of one. Brilliant at times, but ultimately didn't have enough time to develop all of the characters. Two or three movies worth of story, but not enough attention.
Star Wars Episode III = SWEAR WORD, Hayden Christensen sucks ass. His Razzie is totally deserved. Lucas disappointed.
Madagascar = Marley, (Sasha Coen [aka Ali G] as the lemur king was fabulous)
Batman Begins = Great movie. One of my favorite. Christian Bale is an amazing actor, see Empire of the Sun.
Bewitched = Will Ferrell is funny. That's about it.
War of the Worlds = I saw this movie in 1996, it was called Independence Day and it had better acting.
Wedding Crashers = I wish I hadn't seen it. R-rated comedies have too much nudity and I should know better.
The Brothers Grimm = Boring, but I'll watch tax preparation movies if Monica Bellucci is in them.
The Constant Gardener = Good enough. Easy to figure out. I don't know, just not that enjoyable.
Lord of War = Dumb da dumb dumb. Dumb da dumb dumb duuuumb.
Proof = Good. Not great. Recommendable.
Elizabethtown = Had promise. Withered on the vine. Great soundtrack.
Chicken Little = Marley, stupid typical fat jokes.
Walk the Line = Great movie. Highly recommended. Though I think the next biopic should avoid the showing-us-what-heroin-withdrawal-looks-like scene. We get it. I don't need to see it again.
The Chronicles of Narnia = Watching this movie it is easy to see just how BAD the Lord of the Rings could have been in another director's hands. This movie was made for kids. I loved the books when I was a kid. It's only fitting that it should be for kids. The child actors were wooden though. Better acting and plot development would make for a better movie. I'm waiting for The Voyage of the Dawntreader movie. Now THAT will be a great film.

I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain, nor do I want to. I don't like tragic love stories no matter which bits and pieces the lovers use to express one another. I haven't seen Syriana yet. Much ado has been made over Clooney gaining 30 lbs for his role. Whoop-dee-freaking-doo. How about Tom Hanks' transformation in Castaway? Gaining weight for a part is nothing noteworthy. Losing the weight is.

Walk the Line and Capote are the two best pictures I've seen this year. Capote wins, barely, because it had a plot, while Walk the Line just followed Cash's life. Reese Witherspoon actually sings BETTER than June Carter, which means she really deserves her Oscar.

Here's hoping 2006 brings a better crop.

Also Jon Stewart was an excellent host and even though the audience didn't laugh at his jokes, I did.

Best dressed = Salma Hayek and who really cares about the rest? Bags of bones with fake lips. Salma es una mujer verdadera.


JC said...

Salma = Hottie. But she messed around with her hair too much. ;)

I thought in cast away, they filmed the skinny Hanks scenes first, then the heaver scenes at the beginning of the movie. I'm pretty sure that's accurate.

This year WILL be better Mac. We'll have Superman, X-Men 3, Mission Impossible 3, Pirates 2, I mean, that's absolute genius right there.

Have you seen Ali G in da house? Reserve your "makes me feel dirty" for it. :)

Karie said...

Your comment about Sin City and Wedding Crashers is exactly why I don't watch them. Thank you for making my point.

By the way, Hanks did the "fat" scenes first, then the skinny scenes. Big deal was made about how the filming had to stop while he worked to lose the weight.

paul said...

I pat myself on the back every year for not watching the Oscars. I actually broke down and watched about 2/3 of it in 2005. I can't stand the whole charade.

I think the awards themselves are great, we need to have those in place to recognize the best of the best. But the show... what a waste of time. I hope ABC loses some serious dough by airing it every year.

Of course, I haven't been to the theater (i.e., the cinema, the movies) in nearly 10 months. Why pay $10 to sit in a lumpy seat with sticky floors around a crowd of obnoxious, thumb-sucking teenagers?

dj-anakin said...

"Naomi Watts is the only flat-chested truly hot woman on the planet."

Dude! Natalie Portman!


Mac said...

Natalie Portman isn't FLAT-chested. Naomi Watts has nothing but some mosquito bites.